HAPPY NEWS!

If you've been following this blog, you would know that I've been MIA for more than a year -- a year and a half to be exact.  I wouldn't bore you with reasons but trust me, there's a lot. Also, this means you will have to read at your own risk. There's a myriad of thoughts I'm trying to organize right now and you know how much I fail at it when I get excited, like I am right now.

If you have not heard the rumors yet nor have seen the hints dropped in different social media platforms (Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram).. YOUR BLOGGER IS NOW A BABY MOMMA!!!

We are so happy to announce that the gracious Lord God in heaven has blessed my womb with a little angel. I am on my 13th week of pregnancy as of this writing and you have no idea how much I resisted to randomly make the announcement on Facebook when I was online almost 24/7. It's like word vomit waiting to be thrown up and I literally had to disconnect from the internet every time!

Our little heartbeat at 6 weeks and 5 days. It was so surreal to see
someone else's heart beating inside my body.

We learned about it pretty soon, actually. Between weeks 4 and 5. Now you might be wondering why we chose to delay making it public. We have reasons too and let me share some with you.

(1) It wasn't planned. I know, I know. That sounds ridiculous because we've been married for 2 years. But that's the fact. We were waiting until the end of the year to start trying because we have other things we want to achieve before the year ends which goes without saying we were still taking control over our bedroom situation. So WE (or was it just I because someone is apparently sneaky and has other plans?) were sort of anticipating that I'll most likely get pregnant either by the end of the year or early next year. I am such a planner (hence my full-time career -- which we'll save for another post). It has always been in my character. Between Ralph and I, it's me who's more wired to anticipate and just draw what I want to happen in the future and how I want them to unfold. Stems from my being a congenital control-freak, I guess? But obviously, the Lord has better plans. It excites me when His deviates from mine. It very much shows how our capacity to know what's best for us is limited.

our little shy one, hehe

So you see, it came as a shock that after 3 days of very light spotting which I thought was just my period (but turned out to be implantation bleeding already) I tested positive both in home pregnancy kit and hospital blood serum test last June 7. We were in Cloud 9 for a couple of days. We couldn't believe it. We're having a baby.

(2) The first few weeks were difficult. I was on my 5th week when I first had my ultrasound and they found subchorionic hemorrhage surrounding the gestational sac (where the fetus is supposed to grow). On our way home from the hospital, my knees were shaking. We knew what bleeding in pregnancy could mean. Truth be told, every bit of me panicked but I did my best to maintain a strong facade. I was afraid to show my fear even to Ralph. I realized that THAT was the beginning of the season in my life where I have to practice faith over fear on a whole new level because the things to come could get really out of my control. Armed by my strong belief that God is faithful and that He is all-knowing and all-powerful, I followed the doctor's advice to lie low with my business and just rest at home until the bleeding stops. Well, guess what? Despite taking all the vitamins and necessary drugs for weeks, my spotting continued. And worse, symptoms started kicking in. I had nausea whole day everyday. I was throwing up. My stomach wouldn't allow anything to stay there for 5 minutes. Equipped by my 2 favorite pregnancy apps -- WebMD and Babycenter --  I learned the technique of eating only bland food like crackers almost every hour. So on my 6th week, I was on a no rice diet. I couldn't take the smell of any viand Ralph would cook for me. My sense of smell had gone ballistic that even opening the fridge triggered vomiting.

See, as much as we want all our friends and the whole universe to celebrate the good news, I couldn't get myself to let them know because what came as initially "the best news of our lifetime" turned out to be a daily battle that will change my life forever.


(3) We weren't emotionally ready. We, Ralph and I, had some things we had to deal with involving our relationship as husband and wife -- some new responsibilities, change of plans, change of budget, change of schedule, CHANGE OF MOOD! We had (and still have) so many adjustments to make and things happened so fast that we weren't able to talk about them properly before they even started happening. You get the picture. I'm always nauseated and tired and sleepy while he's always exhausted juggling both work and household chores and feeding me and keeping me fed. Not a good picture.

So again, it felt weird to be celebrating with the world when we haven't even figured out yet how to behave like responsible spouses and parents-to-be.

We didn't know we were already 3 here! no wonder I was already bloating in Sagada and my thighs felt like
they weren't mine!

(4) There's a certain satisfaction in keeping something as special as this to ourselves. Although technically not to ourselves exclusively because immediate family and some really close friends were told about it. We needed their prayers, that's why. But people have always known me to be an open book. I don't usually keep secrets (hence the personal blog). But you know, this is different kind of news. We wanted a time to completely absorb the joy before letting other people know simply because  to us it's not just an answered prayer. It's a dream come true. I have always known I'll get married and raise kids someday and here it is. Dreams becoming reality one at a time. Ahhh! I can't help but be amazed at how God works in my life, in our lives!

Oh, hello there baby lemon! :) 

So there, folks. After 2 months in hiding (read: bed rest and house arrest for 2 months with only 3 trips to the hospital, 3 mall visits, and 1 high school reunion attendance.. RECORD BREAKING! No wonder I almost lost my sanity), I'm finally out of the shell. I'm glad my first trimester is over (and so are the bleeding and morning sickness which I won't miss, by the way). I hope you can include us in your prayers.  To our immediate family and close friends, thank you so much for standing in prayer with us as we brave the most critical and crucial period (so far) of this pregnancy! We are overwhelmed by your love and support. Today, I'm still salivating like a mad woman and heartburn still attacks so frequently I'm starting to get used to it but hey, we  made it past the most disoriented 3 months of my life! Six more months and we're ready to pop!


P.S. I feel bad for the bajillion write-ups still sitting on my drafts for more than a year now. Friends, when all is back to normal (if there's such a thing in pregnancy and motherhood), we'll have some catching up to do. For now, I just feel like celebrating for this one. Cheers!