Tuesday, May 07, 2013

The Hardest Part of Getting Married

Today marks the last two weeks of my single-hood and we're almost done with the wedding preparation. I just need to treat myself to an overhaul (hair color, mani and pedi, facial, & spa if I have the time) and I'm wedding-gown ready. For the big day itself, all that's left to do is the table assignment, finalization of guest list to be submitted to the coordinator, and little DIYs for the candles and the wedding favors which I'm sure won't take half of my day.

from Google image

As days go by, my busy-ness is starting to fade and this is both good and bad news. Lately, I have been finding myself in deep thoughts about this transition especially that Ralph and I have already found and settled the dues with the owner of the apartment we chose to be our home while God prepares for us our own house. This is it. For real. I'm leaving my parents and will start to make a family of my own with a guy I don't even know 3 years ago. OK I know I'm not helping myself by making this sound even more creepy than it actually is but this is plain reality. We were strangers until August of 2010. This will be a huge amount of novelty for me to take. From all familiar house and housemates to unfamiliar ones.

Now that I'm at this point of wrapping up my life as a single lady, I can say with all honesty that the hardest part of getting married isn't the financial struggle you'll go through, although yes that part wasn't easy at all. It isn't the busy schedule you'll have to adjust to to be able to meet your suppliers. It's not the stress of asking just about everyone on your guest list for the confirmation of their attendance just because RSVP-ing was never taken seriously. It's not even the 10-minute fights and cold treatment that engaged couples experience when pressure is head-level. Those are all madness-inducing stimuli, yes. But if you'll ask me, those cannot be compared with the gravity of separation anxiety an engaged woman feels just from the mere thought of leaving her parents' home.

OK some of you won't relate to this because you're just too independent like that but let me give you some perspective here. I am the only child of my parents. Until today, I still sleep beside my mother. Yes, we're close like that. She prepares my breakfast every single morning and even dinner when I get home from work (when I was still having dinner, that is). Hers is the first face I see in the morning, and the last before I  sleep. Oh, and take note, she massages my head to sleep EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. We go to the grocery together. We watch DVDs together. She's the first person to hear my every story. We talk about everything. She never made me do the laundry nor wash the dishes. Being that she's a full time housewife, she thinks those are her responsibility. She even prepares my baon every morning! And folks, that's just 1/3 of the picture. There's a lot more things we do and share that I can enumerate but won't.

I grew up as a daddy's girl. But my father, at 60, is still working so we rarely see each other. What I'll miss the most is that every chance he gets, he still cooks for us. We watch NBA together whenever our schedules meet. And sometimes, when Ma is out, he's the one who massages my feet to sleep. I'll miss making him annoyed by correcting his Tagalog pronunciation (his main dialect is Cebuano). I'll miss making fun of his English.

from Google image

Separation anxiety. This makes me so emotional the past few days. I hope within this week I'll be emotionally mature enough to start packing my things. The image of my parents left in the house, just the two of them when I leave, is too painful to think of. Will they cry? Maybe. I sure will. This is tough. But it has to be done or we can't move on forever. We're only physically leaving them anyway. We have yet to plan which weekends/holidays will be assigned to whose parents. When Ralph and I made the decision of not living with either of our parents, we knew it was the right thing to do. And we both know doing the right thing is almost always harder than doing what is convenient.
1 Corinthians 7:9 But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
Ephesians 5:31 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.
Philippians 4:6-7 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. 
We believe the grace of God will get us through this adjustment period. We prayed for this decision of becoming one in Christ and it was made clear to us that this is the right thing to do (see 1 Cor 7:9 above). I'm sure He's pleased that we chose this inconvenience and followed His word.

If you notice by my writing, my thoughts are all over the place. Pardon this rare situation when I use my blog just to let out a deep troubling thought. I promise it won't be a habit. Thank you for reading, though.

I might have missed to mention that the apartment we got is just a good 5 to 7-minute walk from my parents' house. I don't know how that changes the perspective I was trying to put here. Let me know. Lol

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  1. haha... natawa naman ako sa P.P.S.

    words of wisdom from a very witty friend... ^_^
    chukhahaeyo! (congratulations!)

    1. haha thanks fellow witty friend! :D

  2. I had the same experience. But before the wedding I did not really feel it that time. The day after the wedding, we went to my parents house to pick up my belongings, that was the moment when I realized that things will never be the same. When we left I could not bear to say goodbye to my mother, I did not look at her, sobrang hirap as in. I was crying all the travelling time. That's an hour and a half crying from my parents house to my in-laws'. At hindi pa dun natapos yun. The next few days, I was crying while having dinner kasi namimiss ko yung pwesto ko sa bahay pag kumakain, naawa sakin yung husband ko and he even asked me if we wanted to live with my parents. I think it's normal if we're the kind of daughters na kasama parents natin all our lives tapos in an instant bigla tayong lalayo.

    But you'll soon get over it naman kasi the happiest days of your life is just beginning. Enjoy it! I'm married for six years na, at everytime na naalala ko yung first two years since our wedding I can't help but smile. Masaya pa rin naman today, pero iba yung happiness ng newlyweds. Sorry napahaba...

    Congratulations on your coming wedding! A partner in life a wonderful blessing from God. :)

    1. Wow Claire, thank you for sharing. And your words touched me. This is an issue seldom discussed and so sometimes I feel like I'm the only one in this predicament. Apparently, it's so normal. haha

      Thank you so much! :)

  3. It'll still be a few years more before I have to think about marriage, but what you wrote got through me. I've lived with my parents all my life, except for the short stint back in college, so I think I somehow share the same sentiments. It's nice though that the apartment you got is just near your parents' place. At least you can easily visit them when you have the time :)

    Anyway, congratulations on your upcoming wedding! ^^

    1. thank you! That's one thing you might want to consider once it's your turn to move out. Convince the fiance to move somewhere close to your folks. Haha

  4. aww.. Venus. Im so grateful that I found your blog. Thank you for sharing this to your readers. Nafe-feel ko na to ngayon.. waahh.. I don't know if these are butterflies in my tummy or what. I will surely miss my dad's pang-aalaska with my brothers and my mom's lambing when we're together.. but yeah! I can be with them anytime, hihi..

    Congrats pretty! :)

    Marrien <3

    1. Hi sweetie, thanks for dropping by! I visited your blog and realized you're getting married soon. Best wishes! I have an ample amount of wedding-related posts here. Naging rants & raves avenue ko rin to for quite a while so go and explore :) Hope to be of help somehow :)


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