Tuesday, August 06, 2013

An Act of Respect for Marriage

I'll be perfectly honest. I'm writing about this topic because I'm bored out of my wits of the realization that it's been quite a while since I have written something that I can tag under the labels thoughts or point of view. In other words, I think I've been posting really relatively mundane stuff lately. Ugh! Blame Sidney Sheldon. Actually, no. Blame the awesome blogger, Nathalie, as the idea came from her. Now I'm on my third Sheldon book and I just can't stop! Late bloomer, eh?

Anyway, yesterday wasn't a very good Monday for me. Let's just say that I kind of expected myself to be really busy and productive at work being that I was primed that road traffic is indicative of how busy a day is going to be. And boy was it the worst Monday traffic that I have experienced in a while! Like mad I was late for work for 1 minute and I am never late! OK I'm babbling. I'll stop babbling right here. Yesterday, since it wasn't the usual kind of busy Monday, at least where my work load is concern, I had an ample time to ponder on some parts of my lifestyle that I had to tweak in relation to my recent change of civil status. And the big reveal is... *drumroll*


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I don't go any where alone with any guy anymore.
Note: any guy  my dad

I can't exactly say that I have always been "one of the boys" for the simplest reason that while I have a relatively big number of male friends, I also have a lot of girl friends. However, being that girl who used to be so comfortable hanging out with guy friends (even if it means being the only girl in the group), it really took me some significant effort to provide this area the necessary adjustment. I made myself a silent rule and it's very simple: I don't go with a guy alone. I don't go with a group in which I'll be the only girl. This is my small act of respect to my husband not because he imposed it (He did not. Ralph has an inexplicable amount of trust in my faithfulness maybe because of the kind of assurance I give him.) but because I want to show him how much inconvenience I am willing to take to make him feel extra special. Plus the pogi points I'll earn for reserving my lovely company (naks!) only to those people who are in no capacity to put our marriage in jeopardy.

christian wedding

I remember back when I was still a single lady, I used to feel a little discomfort being left alone with a married man; even if he's a boss, a pastor, or a friend. I had this then-considered weird notion that married men actually wear 2 wedding rings -- first is the one on their finger, second is an invisible circle that surrounds their personal space. I'm actually very glad that God gave me such an intrinsic attitude that despite not being in the position of these men's wives, I respected them enough to distance myself from the edge of that boundary that we normally inadvertently push. Now that I'm already a man's wife, it will be a far-fetched assumption that most ladies will have the same mindset as I had. I guess this is where the importance of prayer comes into picture. You can never control the kind of people your spouse will be surrounded with but you can ask God to always take control of every situation and even every person that will interact with him. After all, God created the universe. There's nothing He can't control.

This silent rule I imposed on myself is not limited to just physical interactions. In this day and age when people can almost get married online, we are made very much aware of the power of technology especially of the social networking sites. The easier and cheaper the social medium has become, the higher the standard we should put on social relationships that actually matter. I consider my marriage as my top priority so I decided to limit my online interactions to purely professional, business, or blogging related. The only guys I talk to via email, phone call, or SMS are employees with concern at work (I handle Employee Relations), customers inquiring about the Monster Hug Pillow, and blog readers that have questions about certain entries I posted.

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Reflecting on the current guy friends that I have, I'm glad to find that all of them are also friends with Ralph. Just another proof of our oneness. Although it's just been barely 3 months since I got married, I cannot remember any situation where I had a private face-to-face conversation with a guy without my husband with me. Amazing. Much to my surprise, I was able to pull off this thing so well like it was a walk in the park. However, let's set the record straight. I have 2 gay friends that are really close to me. I don't, in any way, consider them a threat to my marriage so yes I think I can still hang out with them alone. Although even that I am not able to do much nowadays anymore because of wife, work, and church duties. I guess it's really just a matter of knowing our priorities. They are real friends so I'm not at all worried if they get tampo or mad that I don't hang out with them the way I used to do. Which leads me to my last point --

some of you might already have this big question in mind: You're not telling me to leave my opposite sex friends behind, right? Not at all. If that person is a real friend, I don't see any reason why you can't talk to him/her about your new priority. He/she should be able to understand and respect that. And like earlier stated, if you really want to hang out with him/her, it won't hurt tagging your spouse along. The more, the manier! Hehe.

Wives and husbands, I'm not sharing this because I think you should do it too. I believe you are entitled to your own decisions and I am in no way saying that mine is better. But if you think this thing is such a good idea that a part of you would like to practice it because you value your marriage so much, trust me, your spouse will appreciate it. God bless your marriage.

On the other hand, the part of the population that I strongly desire to influence here are the single men and women. If you don't have yet the kind of high regard for someone else's marriage, I plead with you to try and understand it. You don't know how far this little act of respect can get you. This will merit you not only a good image (I know how this concept has become the least of people's priority today. Bad image has become the new good image, sadly) but also a bunch of respect you didn't know you subtly solicited by simply trying to do the unpopular and the inconvenient. More importantly, your future spouse and future self will thank you for choosing to be wise and cautious of your actions today.

It's a wet morning in Manila. Stay safe and dry, lovely readers!


P.S. If you liked this article, please share it I'm sure you'll also love these related readings by this couple that I super admire:

It is Worth the Cut by Rica Peralejo-Bonifacio
Paint My Love by Joseph Bonifacio


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15 comments:

  1. So now it's my fault, huh? :p

    I admire you for your decision to never go alone with any other guy aside from your hubby. I think I'll keep this in mind when I myself get married. Though I think there'll be a bit more adjustment on my part since I've always been "one of the boys" and the only other girl in our barkada is in Canada. Then again, the BF knows all my guy friends in the 'kada since we all come from the same HS. Oh well. Cross the bridge when we get there. ;)

    Oh, and seeing me categorized as a "blogger mom" came quite as a surprise, absurd as that sounds. Haha. Though I post a lot about my daughter and I love her to bits, being still technically single has not put me in a "domesticated mom" state of mind just yet. We'll settle down eventually I know, but it's still kinda hard to feel that domestic vibe when your guy is halfway around the world. Does that even make sense?

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    1. Haha. Hey, I changed it. It's only now that I realized that you actually never categorized yourself as that. So this is me trying not to put pressure or whatever you call it. Haha sorry. I typed that part really fast I never got the chance to think about it much. And no I'm not actually blaming you. That's my sweet way of saying thank you for getting me out of boredom. Sweet right? Haha

      Oh and I don't see any problem in your being "one of the boys". Again this is just me. Although if you're telling me that bf knows all of them, that's nice. My hubby becomes part of almost all of my circles because I almost never go to dates with them without him. And I think he likes it like that. :)

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    2. You didn't really have to change it, but thanks for being thoughtful just the same. :)

      You're lucky your hubby's around so he gets to know your circle of friends too. Being in an LDR obviously has its pitfalls, and it really does suck being away from your man for an extended period of time. I was still pregnant the last time he was here, but fortunately he'll be coming at the end of the month or so. Geez, makes me want to go on leave for the duration of his stay here (kung pwede nga lang!). Gotta make the most of his time here! :D

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    3. Aww I wish I can tell him not to go away anymore but of course who am I and what do I know to say that? I have so much respect for people who can pull off LDR cos I can imagine how hard it is. Go on leave na nga lang! I'm sure even Francine will be thrilled. :)

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  2. Well said. I second the motion

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  3. It's nice to know that we have the same belief. I have read in Chuvaness blog she also stated the same thing. Good thing about me is that I am never the "one of the boys" type. Since I got married there was only one time when I was alone with a man, and that was work-related, our company messenger had to go with me for some important business-related things, and that's just it.

    But I was thinking how about in the husbands' side. My husband used to have a lot of female friends before. No, my husband is definitely the most handsome guy on earth, lol, but there are times when those friends would talk to him alone, ask advice and share with him their problems. I even read text messages in his celphone about his old friend confiding a family problem. And I was irritated with those girls and asked my husband "Does that friend of yours don't have any other friend besides you?". The next time this thing happens, I think I should tell my husband I am bothered by that.

    What do you think if you were in the same situation? Thanks!

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    1. Hi Claire, I believe we're not the only ones with the same opinion. It's natural for a married woman to be protective of her marriage. It's OK not to be thrilled seeing your husband in consistent private interaction with their women friends. However, I believe, we should always be careful in dealing with situations like this. Obviously, it's wiser to talk to your husband rather than attacking the girl (you'll be amazed how many women would prefer the latter).

      Yes, tell your husband. Do not expect him to know right away. Be open about what makes you uncomfortable. But do not expect the issue to be solved just because you talked to him. Remember what I said about praying? :)

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  4. Hi Ma;am. :) I really don't know if you heard this message already, but you remind me so much of this preach of ptr. Joe Bonifacio. GodBless you and your Marriage. :D

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u2ZdbrCPEh8

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    1. Hi Nica, I have not seen this vid but I have read his blog on the same topic. In fact, I have also read the same topic discussed by Carla Peralejo on her blog.

      Thanks for reminding me, I might need to link those readings here for my followers to see. :)

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  5. I strongly agree with you. It feels good to have a marriage that has so much love, oneness, security, & respect.

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  6. Respect is very important in a relationship esp. in marriage. This is something that hubby and I talked about right from the very start. We should respect each other in order to have a stronger bond.

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  7. I'm starting to like your blog. Though I'm not married or so, i value relationship. Keep it up.

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    1. why, that's so nice of you. thank you.

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  8. Kudos! Venus ang banal na espiritu ay nasa loob mo, kung lahat ng tao ganyan mag-isip siguro mababawasan ang pagkapraning ng maraming
    babae at lalaki... God bless you!

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