An Act of Respect for Marriage

I'll be perfectly honest. I'm writing about this topic because I'm bored out of my wits of the realization that it's been quite a while since I have written something that I can tag under the labels thoughts or point of view. In other words, I think I've been posting really relatively mundane stuff lately. Ugh! Blame Sidney Sheldon. Actually, no. Blame the awesome blogger, Nathalie, as the idea came from her. Now I'm on my third Sheldon book and I just can't stop! Late bloomer, eh?

Anyway, yesterday wasn't a very good Monday for me. Let's just say that I kind of expected myself to be really busy and productive at work being that I was primed that road traffic is indicative of how busy a day is going to be. And boy was it the worst Monday traffic that I have experienced in a while! Like mad I was late for work for 1 minute and I am never late! OK I'm babbling. I'll stop babbling right here. Yesterday, since it wasn't the usual kind of busy Monday, at least where my work load is concern, I had an ample time to ponder on some parts of my lifestyle that I had to tweak in relation to my recent change of civil status. And the big reveal is... *drumroll*

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I don't go any where alone with any guy anymore.
Note: any guy ≠ my dad

I can't exactly say that I have always been "one of the boys" for the simplest reason that while I have a relatively big number of male friends, I also have a lot of girl friends. However, being that girl who used to be so comfortable hanging out with guy friends (even if it means being the only girl in the group), it really took me some significant effort to provide this area the necessary adjustment. I made myself a silent rule and it's very simple: I don't go with a guy alone. I don't go with a group in which I'll be the only girl. This is my small act of respect to my husband not because he imposed it (He did not. Ralph has an inexplicable amount of trust in my faithfulness maybe because of the kind of assurance I give him.) but because I want to show him how much inconvenience I am willing to take to make him feel extra special. Plus the pogi points I'll earn for reserving my lovely company (naks!) only to those people who are in no capacity to put our marriage in jeopardy.

I remember back when I was still a single lady, I used to feel a little discomfort being left alone with a married man; even if he's a boss, a pastor, or a friend. I had this then-considered weird notion that married men actually wear 2 wedding rings -- first is the one on their finger, second is an invisible circle that surrounds their personal space. I'm actually very glad that God gave me such an intrinsic attitude that despite not being in the position of these men's wives, I respected them enough to distance myself from the edge of that boundary that we normally inadvertently push. Now that I'm already a man's wife, it will be a far-fetched assumption that most ladies will have the same mindset as I had. I guess this is where the importance of prayer comes into picture. You can never control the kind of people your spouse will be surrounded with but you can ask God to always take control of every situation and even every person that will interact with him. After all, God created the universe. There's nothing He can't control.

This silent rule I imposed on myself is not limited to just physical interactions. In this day and age when people can almost get married online, we are made very much aware of the power of technology especially of the social networking sites. The easier and cheaper the social medium has become, the higher the standard we should put on social relationships that actually matter. I consider my marriage as my top priority so I decided to limit my online interactions to purely professional, business, or blogging related. The only guys I talk to via email, phone call, or SMS are employees with concern at work (I handle Employee Relations), customers inquiring about the Monster Hug Pillow, and blog readers that have questions about certain entries I posted.

Reflecting on the current guy friends that I have, I'm glad to find that all of them are also friends with Ralph. Just another proof of our oneness. Although it's just been barely 3 months since I got married, I cannot remember any situation where I had a private face-to-face conversation with a guy without my husband with me. Amazing. Much to my surprise, I was able to pull off this thing so well like it was a walk in the park. However, let's set the record straight. I have 2 gay friends that are really close to me. I don't, in any way, consider them a threat to my marriage so yes I think I can still hang out with them alone. Although even that I am not able to do much nowadays anymore because of wife, work, and church duties. I guess it's really just a matter of knowing our priorities. They are real friends so I'm not at all worried if they get tampo or mad that I don't hang out with them the way I used to do. Which leads me to my last point --

some of you might already have this big question in mind: You're not telling me to leave my opposite sex friends behind, right? Not at all. If that person is a real friend, I don't see any reason why you can't talk to him/her about your new priority. He/she should be able to understand and respect that. And like earlier stated, if you really want to hang out with him/her, it won't hurt tagging your spouse along. The more, the manier! Hehe.

Wives and husbands, I'm not sharing this because I think you should do it too. I believe you are entitled to your own decisions and I am in no way saying that mine is better. But if you think this thing is such a good idea that a part of you would like to practice it because you value your marriage so much, trust me, your spouse will appreciate it. God bless your marriage.

On the other hand, the part of the population that I strongly desire to influence here are the single men and women. If you don't have yet the kind of high regard for someone else's marriage, I plead with you to try and understand it. You don't know how far this little act of respect can get you. This will merit you not only a good image (I know how this concept has become the least of people's priority today. Bad image has become the new good image, sadly) but also a bunch of respect you didn't know you subtly solicited by simply trying to do the unpopular and the inconvenient. More importantly, your future spouse and future self will thank you for choosing to be wise and cautious of your actions today.

It's a wet morning in Manila. Stay safe and dry, lovely readers!


P.S. If you liked this article, please share it I'm sure you'll also love these related readings by this couple that I super admire:

It is Worth the Cut by Rica Peralejo-Bonifacio
Paint My Love by Joseph Bonifacio