No One is Innocent, We are All Accountable

DISCLAIMER: You woman, this is another unpopular opinion and you might totally disagree with me but this is my blog soooo.. you are welcome to leave if you think I'm talking crap. :) Then again if you think I'm talking crapola that means you're guilty and I hit your guilty bone bull's eye! So I guess this is win-win for me, really. /blabbering

If there's one thing I like most about my husband, it's that he's such a chatter like me. He tells me almost everything that comes to his mind. Hence, we almost don't run out of things to talk about. And this is the one reason each rare season of comfortable silence in the house is very much cherished by yours truly. I remember when we were still in the stage of getting to know each other in 2010, I would tell my other friends how I have finally found  a guy who's as more madaldal than me; that I found my match.

Anyway, one of the things I often hear my husband whine talk about is his everyday struggle with the opposite sex who could be intentionally or inadvertently pushing him to stumble through their choice of clothing. You see, we talk about these things and I appreciate it that he shares with me even those issues which most husbands would easily neglect sharing to their wives. Let's get into details.

Hubby goes from our home in Pasig City to his work in McKinley Hill (Taguig or Makati City?) via public transportation from Monday to Friday. He rarely rides a cab (only when in a rush or it's raining really hard) so he normally takes the FX taxi and jeep to and fro work. You can imagine the number of male and female commuters who seat beside him and in front of him within the 30 or so minutes he is inside the vehicle. One of the common things he complains to me about are women who wear clothes which look more designed  to show than to hide the body parts we are supposed to keep. That's when the trips become something he needs to endure and really pray hard for.

There's the girl wearing skimpy skirt riding a jeep. Thank God if she's wearing a round-neck shirt to pair it with but no, she's wearing a plunging v-neck top thanks for the "asset" that she has and must flaunt. One hand struggling to hold her bag while the other couldn't choose which "asset" to cover -- her chest or her buttocks. She wears these and call the men around her pervert for looking at her. I mean, seriously?

To set the record straight, I myself love to wear comfortable clothes. Yes, I call them comfortable because my intention for wearing them is for me to feel light and easy all day. I have nothing to flaunt, anyway. I love wearing tank tops and daisy dukes. I have more sleeveless tops than otherwise and I prefer wearing shorts over pants if the occasion permits. When you look at it, my conscience should be clear right? I have not a single intention to make men look at my legs or any part of my body, really. That's not the kind of attention I'd want to get. Plus, the only man I wish to attract is my husband. That's what matters, right? However, this is such a problematic and selfish mindset. Will my conscience still be clear when I realize that while I suit myself in comfort, men could still actually sin because of me? Is it not my fault that my way of dressing up could be sexually provocative and adultery-inducing to some of them? Let's refer to the scripture.

Matthew 5:28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

Matthew 18:7 Woe to the world because of the things that cause people to stumble! Such things must come, but woe to the person through whom they come!

Clearly, no one is innocent. We are all accountable. And now you have this in your head: "Here I am on my way to the mall in a summer afternoon with a single intention of getting my errands done for the day AND I CAUSE A MAN TO SIN JUST BECAUSE I'M WEARING MY FAVORITE COMFORTABLE 5-INCH-LONG SHORTS?" As much as I'd love to say "No, it's fine and you look gorgeous you silly", the bible says the otherwise and I'd be sinning if I go against it so Yes, dear. You can cause someone to sin just like that which causes you to also commit sin in the process.

OK calm down, ladies. To be fair, this is not to justify the men or give them a clean slate each time it's a woman's fault she dresses provocatively. Yes, they are sinful just like we all are. Remember, no one is blameless (Romans 3:23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God). I'm just trying to share what I grew up not knowing but I now understand -- men's nature. I grew up thinking that something's wrong with men. I consider them to be the worse type of human beings. I think, it's ridiculous that most men I know can't get their eyes off women's legs or chest or behind. They check out girls on the internet and fantasize. They get aroused just by mere looking at a woman's magazine cover. I mean that's an inanimate object right there; something that won't even respond! I'm not trying to sound naive or whatever but these are some questions that bugged my mind as a teenager.

When I got married and finally have someone to ask about it shamelessly, I learned a lot. Our discussions (Ralph and I) were so informative and my way of asking was so casual that I got a fair amount of amused chuckle from him several times. Does he find it cute that I want these things clarified straight from a guy? Maybe. So apparently, men are wired differently. In fact, so differently that while women can easily check out Ryan Gosling or Chris Hemsworth's abs and not imagine anything, (most) men would have to make an effort to actually stop themselves from staring or even giving a woman's figure a second look. We ladies can let those well-trimmed guns just pass before our eyes and still not have anything sexual register in our heads unless we try while for (most) men, their creative imagination with a girl's voluptuous body is almost automatic. Not that we are blind, OK? We appreciate beauty just like men do, only we're wired to appreciate it in a different way. No wonder there are bible verses that specifically warns men about looking lustfully at women not to mention that this topic has been very much emphasized in different church discussions. I'm glad Ralph has heard pretty much everything he needs to understand how to go about these struggles.

My message really is not to point fingers on who causes whom to stumble. It's not even to say that I'm perfect in this aspect because truth be told, I have yet to re-raid my closet for ungodly wardrobe. I'm still a work in progress. There are days when I still choose to wear convenience over precaution. It's a decision you have to make everyday and there are days when I let the grace of God enable me to do what is wise. My prayer is that this may serve as a reminder of how accountable we all are for each other. Ladies, let's try to help our boys while establishing respect for ourselves in the process.

My husband will face the same problem everyday and I sure know I have no capacity to control that. However, I believe in the power of prayer and just like mentioned in this very relevant post, God can control all situation and His grace can surpass all types of temptation the world has to offer. I'm glad I married a man who chooses to pray when these situations strike. I did not marry a perfect man. In fact, he once belong to that part of population who sees women as sexual objects and easily stumbles in every way. If not for the grace of God, he would have bigger problems  today (yes, bigger than his daily aversive female encounter) that will yield to eternal death and he won't even be aware. We both are works in progress and we pray for it everyday. I personally pray for him everyday.

To end this, please see below for the final messages I'd like to share.

God bless my beautiful ladies! Hope you're having a fantastic weekend. :)

EDITED TO ADD THIS VERY IMPORTANT VIDEO:

Like this post? Share it!